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The Love Forecast

3 min read

The Greek Words for Love Are Mostly Canadian

The list everyone shares is 1973 sociology in a toga, and the real Greek idea underneath it is better.

The Greek Words for Love Are Mostly Canadian
 

Somebody has sent you the list. Eight Greek words for love, laid out in a pastel grid, with the implication that one of them explains what is happening to you.

 

Feeling It This Strongly Was Never the Problem

You have seen the post. Eight Greek words for love, one of them is the one you are feeling, and the ancients understood you all along.

It is probably still in your camera roll, saved on a bad night, sitting between a parking receipt and a photo you have not deleted.

Most of that list is Canadian, and it is from 1973.

A sociologist called John Alan Lee published a book that year titled Colours of Love.

He surveyed people on how they behave in relationships. He sorted the answers into six styles. Each one got a Greek or Latin label, because the labels stuck.

Eros, ludus, storge, pragma, mania, agape. That is Lee's list, not Athens'.

The six names went out into the world and kept walking. Fifty years later they turn up in captions, in quizzes, and in the thing your friend sent you at midnight.

Pragma is the clearest tell. It is a real Greek word, and it means something nearer to a deed or a piece of business. Nobody in Athens was describing a sensible partnership that way.

This is not a complaint about Lee. His six styles hold up well enough as a description of how people behave, which is exactly why researchers kept them.

It is a complaint about the toga. The version that travels claims an authority it does not have. It also buries the older idea, which is better.

In the Phaedrus, Plato has Socrates list four kinds of madness that arrive from the gods.

Prophecy from Apollo, the rites from Dionysus, poetry from the Muses, and love from Aphrodite.

He is not filing love-madness under damage. He puts it in the same drawer as prophecy and poetry. The best things we get, he says, have come from madness, when it arrives as a gift.

Not a defect to be managed. Not evidence that you are built wrong. Not something to apologise for having felt in the first place.

That is a two and a half thousand year old argument that feeling it this strongly was never the problem. It is older than every framework that came later and made it sound like a fault.

What you do about it is a separate question. It is still yours. The madness can be a gift and still not be a reason to pay for somebody's company out of your own pocket.

Also True, What They Found

Lee's six styles did not stay in the book.

In 1986 Clyde and Susan Hendrick built a forty-two item questionnaire to measure them and published it in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. It is still in use.

Their scale files mania as possessive, dependent love and scores it like any other trait. So the thing Plato called a gift from Aphrodite now turns up as a subscale with a number beside it.

The Mirror

What have you apologised for feeling, out loud, to a friend who never asked you to?

Today's Devotion

Find the screenshot in your camera roll and delete it. If you want to keep the idea, write the one line from it that was true on a piece of paper instead.

 

Feeling it strongly and accepting less are two different things, and only one of them is worth changing. There is a short guide on getting your standards onto paper before the next person arrives. It is free, and takes about twenty minutes to read.

Read Chosen in Love

Keep your power in your own hands.

Sofia

Monday to Friday

Tomorrow morning, before the day starts.

One short letter a weekday. What the old traditions noticed, what the research shows, and one thing to do with it tonight.

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