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The list usually gets said in a parked car at night, with the engine off.
He is going to quit the job by spring, call his brother, sell the truck, and get his own place once things settle down.
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You Are Not Stupid for Seeing Who He Could Be
There is a common name for this one: falling for his potential. It is not a flaw in your judgment. Seeing who someone could become is a skill, and teachers and good managers are paid for it.
The trouble starts when the man he could be begins doing the work the man in front of you will not do. The future version shows up to every argument. The present version gets the benefit of the doubt.
You can usually hear it in how he gets described to friends: "He's been through a lot," "He's working on it," "He's not like this when it's just us," "When he gets his own place, it'll be different."
Each of those sentences is about a man who has not arrived yet.
The man who has arrived has a record you can check. What he says he will do lives in the future tense. What he does lives in places you can scroll back to: the plans he kept, the texts that came back, the bill he paid, the night he showed up when he said he would.
If he is back now with a new list, this is the thing to watch. A return built on "I'm going to" is the same promise in a new jacket.
A return worth taking has something already done in it: the appointment he booked, the apology he made without being asked, the job he started, the habit that changed before he asked to come back.
If the phone has been silent, the potential can be the hardest part to let go of. Part of what is missing is a man who never got the chance to exist.
And if there is no one right now, the same habit can show up before a first date. A profile with three good photos can get a whole future written for it by Thursday.
The man he could be is not lying to you. The man he could be is not leaving your texts unanswered. The man he could be also does not exist yet.
So the work this week is not on him. It is on the woman who keeps a light on for a man under construction, and on what she would do with a Thursday night back.
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If you are trying to tell a man's record from his plans, Chosen in Love walks through how to read where a connection stands and what has to be different if someone comes back. It is free, and it includes ten affirmations you can keep on your phone.
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Keep your power in your own hands.
Sofia
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His Potential Has Never Once Shown Up on Time
The trap isn’t the man in front of you. It’s the one you finished in your head, and a Roman poet caught it 2,000 years ago.
